0 Stars

I’m not one to complain especially not on one of these online review sites. Anyone who knows me know I’m never one to make a fuss. And I’m not one of these fancy pants kids with their avocado toast and 5 dollar coffees whining about their feelings all the darn time. Not me! Sometimes you just get what you get and you don’t get upset. And usually if I buy a thing and and it turns out to be a piece of garbage that’s just on me. But not this time.
You see, the wife and I are big fans of ABC. We always watch her crafts section on the Shopping Channel. We have her Home is Where the Heart Is Aromatic Candles, the Kiss Me Anyway I Might Be Irish St. Patrick’s Day Cookie Jar, Happy Happy Easter Bunny Wreath, and our Proud To Be an American picnic dish ware where the hit of church barbecue.
We love to celebrate, especially my Eleanor. She’s loves to talk, makes friends where ever she goes, natural life of the party type. This last year has been real hard on her, on us. It’s like when the world closed up so did she. I made plans for a trip even to go to the movies but we had to cancel over and over again. We ate Thanksgiving just the two of us. It was just too quiet. When my Nora went to sleep early again, I watched HomeMadeLove alone. Once I saw Bonnie’s exquisitely crafted Angelic Choir I knew this was just the thing to light my honey’s heart.
Picture this: twelve little hand painted china faces with rosy cheeks hand stitched lace-trimmed robes complete with twinkle lights and little hands folded in prayer. Finally we would have some company for Christmas. I could barely wait to bring back my honey’s smile.
Our mantelpiece was clear and ready. Imagine my disappointment when we opened our long awaited package. Plastic doll parts and cheap paper thin choir robes. Each little cherub was more ghastly than the one before. One looked melted. Another must have been run over by a truck. Nora asked if this was the Insane Clown Posse and I don’t know who they even are. I expect quality for the type of money I spent. I expect Christmas magic. These were nothing like our previous Enchanted Christmas decorations. When I turned one dolly over to see if it was made in China (it was!) It’s garnish little head fell off and cut right into my palm.
Now I’m sitting in the emergency room of Delaware County Hospital where I’ve sat for the past three hours with a bloody headless doll baby impaled on my hand with my wife trying (unsuccessfully I might add) not to laugh her head off. I demand a full refund and an apology. I demand my Angelic Choir with twinkle lights. Damn it all, I am complaining.

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