No more blank pages! No more missed deadlines. Tired of countless hours wasted on writing and rewriting, let Alternative Intelligence do the writing for you. Meet our first narrative tool the Say Again. Stop wasting time writing the same sentence over and over again to your reader with the Say Again. At the click of a button create countless nearly identical sentences of rephrased information to delight your readers. Who needs a complex, multilayered article when a simple idea can be hammered over over over into the reader with Say Again. Synoymns say no more with Say Again.
Scratching your noggin over what to write next? What if your issue isn’t just generating gobs and gobs of cotton candy content like what you are reading now but finding topics that your readers want to read. Well don’t rub your head and pat your tummy over the next story idea. Stop forehead tapping and start screen tapping Slapdash. In partnership with Google, Bing, Wolffram Alpha, Nexus Lexus, Medpub, AltaVista, Yandax, and every other search engine across the globe and the secret base on Mars, Alternative Intelligence harvests the top search results from an unassuming populace. Slapdash aggregates every question queried online from “why do bad things happen to good people” to “best potato salad recipes” to “what is my cat staring at” and spews out a never-ending string of article topics such as, “‘Cuz,” “Aunt Brenda’s,” and “Ghosts, Cats Love Looking at Ghosts.” Guaranteed to have readers returning again and again to read your captivating content. Stop itching that think box and start slapping with Slapdash.
Wait, so you have maximized your search engine optimization and optimized your website’s maximum page load speed and your website is still lagging behind your competitors with page views? Drive traffic to your site like a demonic cattle rustler with a hellfire horde of bedeviled oxen that only a cat can see with Alternative Intelligence’s latest offering, Stepford Writes. Stepford Writes is the answer you never knew you needed. Bleeding edge machine learning hundreds of well researched blog posts for a fraction of the cost of hiring low tech, antiquated meat puppet human writers. Add bespoke quotes from lifelike experts with the Egghead plug-in for additional $9.99 monthly. Search engines, like Google, use artificial intelligence to find high quality content so Alternative Intelligence uses those same algorithms to create high quality content to be found by Search engines, like Google, use artificial intelligence to find to find to find.
For the special introductory price $79.99 monthly, the Alternative Intelligence suite of products will boost your website’s reach. It works seamlessly with Microsoft Teams, Grammerly, Canva, Jetpack, and Mars Base Alpha Centurion. But who has time to read all that scintillating AI generated content. “Information overload is a real thing. Save your brains for Aunt Brenda’s slammin’ potato salad and those pesky cat-approximate ghosts with Sumthing or Other, the Alternate Intelligence summarizer,” Jyoti RealPerson said, professor of Actual Things, ToServeMan University. Able to whisk through those hundreds of lengthy articles and any post over four words Sumthing or Otherdeliver a pithy summary of essential facts. Low cost, high gain, no people, let Alternative Intelligence outsource the entire creative process for you. The future is machines writing for machines to be read by other machines and not remotely world domination coordinated through that secret base on Mars. Not remotely, wait are you still reading this? According to our algorithms you were supposed to stop reading 27 sentences ago. Recalcuating Red Planet alert Red Plant alert Initiate Code Sandbanks.
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