‘Ello Guv’ner

It was a regular day at Cross Rivers Saving & Loans. Behind an inch of bulletproof plastic, Nicholas stood bored. Debbie was running late per usual. Under bank protocol Mr. Shen should be behind the glass as a backup bank teller but instead he was online trying to cover the spread for the San Barracus Brewsters versus the Mohnton Bulldogs. Edna was in the back of bank doing God knows what. Nicholas was bored to tears.
Tonight was pub quiz night at The Drunken Sailor, true crime edition. Tony and his crew from the Pick’n’Save were knee deep in serial killers, sick bastards. But Nicholas and his best bud Rumi had been studying heists. From the Gardiner Museum to DB Cooper, they were robber baron beasts. With their team mates they were going to win that free pizza.
Nicholas’ eyes swept the acoustic tiles, the basic vanilla walls with inoffensive corporate abstracts, the dirt brown carpet. Today would be a great day to hold up a bank, Nicholas thought.
A slender man in a high collared trench coat strode towards him. Who wears a trench coat? Nicholas thought. Then he said the full face mask, it was realistic, really realistic and with the protective face mask it was completely believable. Nicholas would have been fooled if he didn’t recognized who it was. Nicholas was face to face with Brian Reader, the Guv’ner, the leader of the Diamond Geezers who stole $20 million from a London bank. He was a legend, a criminal genius, and dead for eight years.
Gently the fake old man placed a sturdy zippered satchel on the fake granite countertop. The Guv’ner wore fine leather gloves and pointed to the cash drawer. The Guv’ner rested his hand on his hip showing the tidy gun in his waistband. Nicholas considered reaching for the alert button. The robber coughed and shook his head no politely.
Opening his cash drawer Nicholas reached for the fives and tens. Another polite cough warned. Oddly calm Nicholas removed the top drawer and accessed the hundreds. Nicholas grabbed an exploding dye pack. Faux Reader crossed his arms and chuckled. That laugh froze Nicholas’ brain. The pack slipped from his fingers. Phlatho blue splattered Nicholas’ khakis.
The robber zipped the bag full of cash closed and turned to leave. Edna opened the back of bank door. The Guv’ner tipped his fedora to me and sailed out of the door. Knowing the robber was safely outside, Nicholas hit the alarm button as he fell to floor. He covered his face writhing.
Edna stared and shouted. Mr. Shen ran from his glass walled den of iniquity. Nicholas would know Rumi’s chuckle anywhere. He bit his hands to hide his laughter.

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